I want my happiness to exude me

again, maybe for the first time.

Infectious, contagious,

flowing through me like a river

even with waterfalls and boulders

I want my happiness to shine out of me without trying.

To help someone’s day,

filling love with love.

Till my time comes, I’ll try my best.

Sincerely yours, Jolee G.

A Plead For Peaceful Protests

I’m not black, I’m not white, I won’t pretend or act to be. I don’t hate cops. And maybe I’ll be ‘banished’ for writing my opinion but I have my platform and I will use mine just as well as you will use yours. I am an ally for all sides. But I am an ally for peace and love. I’ve been crying almost everyday, from seeing the pain in everyone’s heart, to seeing the destruction being caused, and everything in between. Trust me, I understand people want to be heard, this kind of gut-wrenching racist hate happens every so often (and way too often).

“Peace on the left, justice on the right”

This was chanted at George Floyd’s vigil on June 1st 1 pm ct led by his brother Terrence Floyd.

Lets get straight to it; Honestly, law enforcement and government aren’t even paying attention to the cause with all this destruction; they are putting out more cops and weapons on the streets trying to protect the innocent and businesses from the rioters. Good cops, and good innocent people whom aren’t looting are being hurt. For what exactly? For justice, because no other forms of protest are working? This destruction isn’t working either. Please don’t be ignorant of the people on your side, they want peace as well as you but when destruction happens they have to protect too.

People are hurting, everyone is tired (I’m sad and exhausted too) of seeing the same exact situation happen to innocent black men and women but violence isn’t the answer either, It wasn’t the answer for their death to happen, and it’s not the answer for change. You’re right, these big companies and those insured can handle it like Target, etc. but what about the smaller businesses, and your locals you say you’re fighting for. I get that its not all the protesters fault either, some are taking advantage of the situation, some are Antifa, and some are those whom don’t know what to do with the pain in their heart.

These destructions/looting/rioting has been happening the past 6 days/nights and nothing has happened other than 1 single lousy cop in custody on the weakest murder charge, an act for National Guard to help with patrolling the streets, and a nationwide curfew yet again.

What the news outlets don’t show you is many protests are peaceful as well, Officers hugging the one who are hurting, the hurting protecting an alone officer from others, protesters on their very own knees and some officers alongside with them.

Please realize peaceful protests are being listened to, from/with the cops with you. You shouldn’t surrender your life to racists. You have to fight for whats right but you have to do it the right way as well.

Violence from pain isn’t exactly right either. Violence doesn’t equal change. George Floyd’s family is pleading for the violence to stop, even they say its not doing anything. We all agree it was a racist crime (it almost always is), that the other 3 cops have to be punished, and this police brutality has to stop happening. I will fight alongside with you but I’m begging you to do it out of love and peace, not hate and pain.

Just like Mr. Terrence Floyd said VOTE! not just for your primaries/president but for everything. Use the very right you have, peacefully. And we will get them.

Thank you for listening, I’m so terribly sorry for those who have deal with this because the color of their skin, having to surrender for not doing a single thing, who have to teach your kids hate and racism is still so real. You have a right to be angry, just please don’t destroy the only world we have. My heart is with you, I love you. I promise we will get justice.

Sincerely yours, Jolee

My Spotify Playlist.

Music is the universal language of mankind

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I created this playlist when I was dealing with my first “breakup” (and to be honest maybe before that because I knew the relationship was over, I was just holding onto something that wasn’t there for a while.)

I’ve added, deleted, rearranged these songs many of times, and I’m pretty happy with where everything is right now, so this is what I’m gonna keep for a while. Some of these songs will hit and tear at those heartstrings and hopefully some will give you the same strength it gave me.

One of my greatest friends was dealing with her own battles, I recommend this playlist to her. Honestly I’m not sure if it helped, but i hope and believe it did. Anyway since then I’ve wanted to share it here as well. To help whomever, or those just trying to find new music. If you have and pay for Spotify these songs are in the order I’ve placed them in from love, heartbreak, to healing. If you don’t pay you can still listen for free but the order of the songs are jumbled up, but still sounds just as good 🙂

If you want, given the chance feel free to listen.

Sincerely yours, Jolee G.

Why I Don’t Fear Death

Many months back I wrote a post about fear and that i’m not afraid of a lot of things, at least the things I don’t have the control over. So that brings me back here: 

I’m not scared of dying; of what is to come in the afterlife, of what I’m leaving behind, or everything I haven’t yet accomplished. I’m somewhat a little wary of if my loved ones have to see or be a part of it. But other than that. For me, whats to be scared of?

If I happen to die tomorrow or even 40 years from now, that’s okay, it’s a part of the journey and quite the end of it. I trust my life, my beliefs, my process. If I die tomorrow, honestly I’d die happy. At the end of my life whenever it happens to come. I won’t think about the things I haven’t done, the things on my bucket list because why? Why end your life thinking about the things you haven’t accomplished, and comparing yourself to others standards, thinking of things you just can’t change at that point.

I know it sounds ludicrous but every so often when I think about death; I find it kind of beautiful. The thought of the soul leaving the body, leaving the human experience, leaving the tangibles ( home, cars, money. Objects that don’t matter) and then forth going to a beautiful place/plain, when you see your loved ones all around you, seeing the ones who have left before you, and the ones you left here.

Of course I get sad if someone I love passes away, I’m definitely still going to mourn the ones I lose in the future; but I know as well, they’re better and happier. (I still very much miss the ones I’ve lost along the way, so much, but that’s just that, death is sad for the ones still living, for the mourning, its not sad for the deceased.) People grow old, the world gets too cruel, why would you want to live forever? Why would you want your loved one to live forever? So you can have them and not be sad? Life and Death coincide together, whether we like it or not. 

Trust me, I know its hard thinking of the one you’ve lost, they’re not right here experiencing things with you anymore, you can’t pick up your phone to call them, you can’t embrace them when you just need a good hug. I can’t help you not to mourn and  not be sad about them. What I can say is their energy is around you. It’s like when you think of them and the way they would react to a situation or event, they are right there in you, they’ve left their lasting love within you that you already know how they’d act. Even though they aren’t physically here with us anymore, they can see and listen to you. Talk to them, they really are around, allow yourself to talk.                           

Don’t fear something you know is coming whether you like it or not, it’s something you can’t change. You can’t cheat it. Sending you love and strength ❤️

Sincerely yours, Jolee G.

Don’t forget about you too.

Relationships are wonderful, the chemistry, the cuddles, the love. Sadly when it doesn’t work, it just doesn’t. I’m definitely not bashing my past love, he was amazing, I don’t regret him at all

So I was left with myself again. The truth is for a long time I was great being alone before my first relationship, I loved everything around me, I was good (other than the haunting pit falls every so often) so I thought if I ever had my first break up I would be okay, oh how very wrong I was lol. It was harder to get back to myself as much as i’d like to admit.

Being single again, being happy in my solitude was a little hard getting used to in the beginning, involuntarily thinking of memories was definitely the hardest. I realized after my vacation I loved doing so many other things, my hobbies I forgot about, writing, singing, baking, etc. (true introvert hahah).

It honestly slipped my mind the activities and small things I loved, I had to learn being alone wasn’t so bad again. The little happy things I didn’t make time for when I was in a relationship (my fault). Doing the things I loved, helped me with myself and the pain from the break up.

Every so often I drink, So at any given time during this difficult period I could’ve masked and eased the pain with something toxic but I always vowed myself to not give up on myself or my body when I’m like that, to turn to something that was gonna hurt me even more when I was in a bad place. Because after that temporary happiness wears out, whats left?

Made crème brûlée for the first time. Tip: Sugar burns fast 🙂

After Seattle, I’ve been writing more. As well as baking, I bake sometimes with work, but I bake more so at home, and I’ve been challenging myself with desserts I’ve never made. I’ve been pouring myself into things that make me happy, its still hard sometimes to find time but better than not.

This really wasn’t supposed to be all about my break up. I guess what I’m trying to portray with this post is… Remember who you are and what you love to do, its hard to take care of yourself, and your well being when you get stuck in the day to day in a relationship or not. Take care and love yourself the way your person loves you (future person will love you); because you’re pretty damn amazing!!

I learned this the hard way; It goes for anything not just with love. You cant give your all, if you don’t have your all to give. I genuinely hope this post makes sense to you, it was important for me to write. Sending all my love.

Sincerely yours, Jolee G.